venting

things here at home are getting better and worse i don't know how to cope with it anymore one minute everyone's good in the day then when it comes to like cleaning or something everyone fights and then i feel like i have to do everything and clean because i cant go to school until my daughter is born i hate this life i hate how my family don't even see what i do or even want to and truth is if i could and had a place to go i would leave tonight and never come back pack all my daughters stuff and mine and never come back to living here its been to much to many years and its getting worse i have no clue what to do anymore i don't want my baby having my bro as a uncle i don't want her to go threw what i am or here fighting all the time iv never got along with my bro and all my grandma does it seems like is baby his 16 year old butt . im tired of this and am not gonna take it anymore when your 16 you should be getting good grades and doing your chores and when your grounded you shouldn't get by with it because in the real world if you get in trouble you dot get by you cant skip paying a bill or not showing up to court or speeding when it says 30 and your going 60 or 70 i mean really you need to learn someone has to teach you or should at least try and if it don't teach you then i guess when you turn legal age and get in trouble at school or work your just gonna learn the hard way . im just venting here just so i can try and keep sanity i have no one to really talk to other then my fiancee since my grandma don't like to listen to me about my feelings i get told shut up or thats not true or your brother is younger yes he is only 15 months he needs someone to make him grow up im growing up fast for my daughter but hes been treated like a baby his hole life .and alot of other things

truth and some things about pregnancy .

the truth about when someone gets pregnant even if there adult .

1. they will find out who there true friends are . 2. learn that you have to put your baby and school and work before friends. 3. have no free time but learn to live with it every day and love it no matter how you feel . 4. have 10 months of a emotional roller coaster that only some people understand . 5. learn each week and different things your body goes threw . 6. watch your body grow and think how big you baby is getting . 7. learning to not let the little things stress you out even when that's all you want to do and know.

30 weeks and engaged

ever since i found out i was pregnant iv been so happy but then scared the farther i get the closer it gets to the day i could hole her in my arms and watch her dad every doc appt we go to he lights up to her heart beat and tries not to cry i try not to and dont but i do when i get home. i feel ur kicks every day and ur hick ups are more stronger and every day i can feel u move ur fingers or rub ur hand and i can tell when ever u move ur foot it shows the print i can fell ur hole body when i rub my hand on my tummy and try and figure out what part it is and rub my hand on ur foot and then u jerk it back like u can feel it and it tickles ...i love you to death alessandra and cant wait to hold u in my arms and ur dad does to he will be there and cant wait for u to be here. me and ur father are waiting until he gets out of collage to get married but its all for the best .

life and pregnancy the hard times being 17 and pregnant and what im going threw

when someone finds out from your mother that you don't even live with that your pregnant and doesn't let you tell people you self it hurts because they tell people that you wanted to tell like my little brother found out from my neighbor because of my mom i feel like i cant even trust anyone in my life except my daughter and fiance .i told my grandmother on her birthday witch was a couple days after my moms and my grandmother said she knew but never wanted to make me do a test i didn't know until 9weeks 6 days pregnant with my daughter and now to this day it is harder to be around my brother he gets mad so easy hates me i feel like i cant even live with my grandmother even tho i'm only 17 and then the doc don't want me working or exercising much i barley can walk a block with out having to worry about going into premature labor i'm 24 weeks pregnant or farther and just starting to have problems with exercising and eating . i feel like my life here at home is going down everything i do i get yelled at and then my grandma says to not let a messy house stress me out or anything but its hard when i get told i don't do anything from my brother iv been having problems since he threw a cowboy boot at my back it didn't hurt me but i got so mad that i was thinking about killing my self i don't know how much longer i could live here with out hurting my self i want the best for my daughter and me and i cant give her it or me it .i thought my brother would accept it and understand and try to make it more calm but now he calls me fat and a lot of mean things knowing how i was before i was pregnant i started starving my self and riding my bike i went from 145 to 115 and i told everyone i was eating and stuff i don't wanna go back to how i was but its hard when you have some tell you that Ur fat and mean names when ur pregnant and under wait for your height my daughter is what made me gain weight its all baby and water and everything but when i have her im gonna lose so much weight i don't have anyone to talk to no friends because almost all of then partied and i'm gonna be a mom a mom doesn't drop what shes doing with her kid and party all night im not gonna be like the girls on teen mom2 or 16 and pregnant .i know im only 17 but i have a lot i want for my daughter and she deserves im finishing my GED even with everyone against it the only people i have to tell me to keep doing it is my fiance he knows what i wanna be and do i don't want my daughter living how i did growing up with barley a mom having no dad. im not gonna be a mom that lets her daughter do what ever and when ever shes gonna know priorities and right and wrong and that school comes first before games and friends .i never had someone tell me to do school work before i went out tell me i need to get good grades have help and its made it so i couldn't finish high school by the time im 21 i still wouldnt have so i have to get my ged to help support her and teach her that it doesn't matter what problems you go threw that if you put your heart to it and finish you can do anything .

truth about being in a relishing ship

when ever Ur with someone dating engaged or married you never wanna lose trust with that person it makes you feel so bad and feel like your dieing inside . never have friends they dont aprove of because its gonna hurt you and ur partener more the you even know. never cheat and never do something that might make them think you where cheating or you did something wrong .life is like a roller coaster.

feelinsg about family and work

when you work online people down you and tell you its not possible they try  and get you to stop working and get a regular job but most regular jobs don't pay good and you have to have a couple jobs to live  even when you live  with your parents you still wanna save money to move out on your own pay for your own stuff . i hate my grandmother paying for my stuff that's why sometimes i don't get new stuff she try to get me new things but i don't want her to because i don't fill responsible for my self I'm a 16 year old girl that loves working on the computer and hates people paying for me I'm starting to be okay with certain people buying me thing but i  still don't like it  when you have someone  in your family that takes care of 2 teenagers and then works only 1 job you would  know where it comes from im the oldest and sometimes fill like im to old to live at home but im not 18 so im not old enuf to move out on my own i hate relying on my grandmother for things and i know it sounds weird for someone my age to say this

4 th of july photos i tooken

 this was the first time in 3 years  the fair ground set fire works off i had fun taking pics of it 7-4-2011