Miscarrying

Knowing your pregnant and losing it is like a stab in the heart and never stops. Im writing this to get some sadness out.
Augest 25 i started  a new job  on that monday that wensday i found out i was pregnant  that saturday i ended up in er bleeding  they said it was implantation  a week later i had a doc appt  and blood  done my levels were to low at hospital when they redid blood at doc i got a call to come in i miscarried. Ive been really upset blaming  my self. Why do i have to lose a baby  not only one but 3 times  i fought for my duaghter  even my body did now its giving  up.i know its not my fault in always told it's  not  but i feel like it is what parent whats to possibly never be able to carry another child again. Because of a birth control i choose not knowing there was a 1 and 10   for getting pid. Now i have a scare that causes me not to want sex it makes me cry. Losing a baby to me is like losing a living child yes the baby wasnt here on earth yet. To me it was a baby and to me my body gave up.  People  that have moscarried understand.  No we dont talk about it or let everyone know i try to hide the hurt feeling  if i could i would sit next to a ocean evryday  and cry but i cant. I get to be a mom. Being a mothere is amazing its the best thing thats ever happend to me i would love to be able to carry and be a mother to another child.